Consume
by Aeneid
Summary: "You've consumed my every thought, China. Go out with me already."


Silly piece I've written from way back last year (on December 26, to be exact), when I've hit a slump.

Possible OOC warning, but further explanation will be given in the end notes.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. Sorachi Hideaki does.

* * *

_**Consume**_

* * *

That morning was the worst morning she had ever experienced in her entire life.

Sleep had been easy to claim her last night, but as soon as she had woken up the next day, the events of yesterday suddenly came crashing down on her. As to why that incident affected her so much, she couldn't quite figure it out, in all honesty. Hell, it was obvious that it had been a joke but…

… why was it that his pained expression had been the image that was etched on her mind?

Scratch that, why did he have that kind of expression anyway?

Was it because she had laughed at his face when he said the words, "You've consumed my every thought, China. Go out with me already."?

She remembered mocking him, saying that him saying flowery words did not suit him _at all_, and that he should waste those words on someone else, instead of her.

_"… Do you seriously think this is all a joke?" he asked her quietly._

_"Of course. Who are you and what have you done with the sadist? Out with it!" smirking triumphantly, Kagura crossed her arms in front of her chest._

_He mumbled a few choice words, which she had failed to catch, and before she knew it, he began to walk away._

At that time, she had thought that he was retreating because she had caught him red-handed, but now that she thought about it…

Well, she didn't know. Sadist was hard to read; he was moody and unpredictable, and it was something that had made her ponder on for some hours. The best thing to do, for now, was to face the problem head-on, a.k.a. talk to him. They usually met up with one another on a regular basis after lunch in the _sukonbu _store. Not surprisingly, he was nowhere to be found, though she figured that he was probably busy today.

She was half-right though.

Yes, the sadist didn't make it because he was busy… but only because, according to the Shinpachi of the Shinsengumi, he was making himself busy. According to Yamazaki, sadist had decided to coop himself up in the headquarters, only going out when it was deemed necessary, but more often than not, he would stay in his room for hours to do paperwork. Kondo Isao had been so worried that he sent rank-and-file members every hour just to check if Okita was still alive and breathing.

She rolled her eyes at the news.

Trust him to be a coward.

Well, whatever.

She would remedy that.

* * *

"Get out."

Two words, one sentence.

"How rude. You do _not_ throw out a lady who goes out of her way to visit you." she huffed, glaring at him, who was too busy with the paperwork laid out in front of him.

Kagura had managed to find herself at the tax robbers' place an hour after talking to Yamazaki, and as soon as both the commander and the vice-commander knew that she was there, they quickly ushered her inside, leading her to Okita's room. Maybe she could knock some sense into him, they said.

"Who cares. Get out." he muttered yet again, his eyes still on the paper right in front of him.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you so mean?" _Why have you turned cold all of a sudden?_

The very thing she had always wanted to ask, she was unable to emulate it into words. As much as she prided herself as a courageous individual, the hostility that Okita displayed was making her lose her composure, for some reason.

"Nothing's wrong. Just leave me alone."

"If nothing's wrong, then look at me, you coward." she taunted.

One minute, she was standing behind him. The next minute, however, she found herself pinned firmly on the ground, her back pressing against the tatami flooring of his room, while his hands were pinned firmly against her shoulders. Just before she could yell at him to let her go, she was startled at what she saw next.

His eyes, usually filled with mischief, were filled with—dare she say it—sorrow that it shocked her. He, the prince of sadism, was feeling _sad_, for some reason, though she could not fathom the reason why he would feel that way. Just before she could ask him out loud why he had that look on him, the next thing that happened had unnerved and fully shocked her into silence.

Hot teardrops splattered her cheek, and as she gaped at his tear-stricken face, he gave out a harsh laugh. "Why are you giving me that look? Is it so surprising to see me crying and looking like a idiot?" he snorted. "Not like you give a fuck about this. Am I right, China?"

_'Don't look at me like that…'_ she wanted to say something, anything, just to break off the sudden turn of events that caught her off-guard, but to no avail. The sight of him _crying_ in front of her had stunned her into silence.

Sadist… he was crying…

Somehow, she felt guilty.

"Humiliating, isn't it, to be laughed at when you were so serious about your confession to the person you had feelings for." she noticed his bottom lip quiver, knowing that he was emotionally wrought over yesterday, but dare not point it out. "I should have expected that reaction from you, as you've always been an idiot regarding those matters. Guess this is my payback for even attempting to make you understand."

"I… I—"

"Don't bother. Just shut up. I expected your reaction, actually… but I never knew it would turn me into this pathetic guy who can't stop the tears from falling." he glared at her azure-colored irises through his tear-filled crimson eyes. "At least you're smart enough not to laugh at my face right now while I'm acting like an idiot in front of you. For once, thank you, China."

She wanted to reach out and touch him, to tell him that she had never meant for this to happen. She did not anticipate that her actions had made him suffer last night because of her callousness. Kagura wanted to comfort him, but the shock she felt rendered her unable to move.

What had she done…?

Why did it come to this…?

She knew the answers to her unspoken questions, and as much as she knew that most of it had been her fault, her pride and her conscience refused to acknowledge it. The fact that she had been somewhat responsible for someone's breakdown was too much to take in.

As for how her actions had caused a man _to cry_… it felt so unreal that her callous actions had caused a grown man to cry. She knew it was possible, but seeing him _cry_ in front of her—

_Damn it, Kagura, don't cry. You have _no right_ to cry._

All she could do right now was look up at him, stare up at him as he cursed her for making him feel like trash with the way she acted, and take it all in.

_I'm so sorry._

* * *

End notes:

Generally, those born under the Cancer zodiac sign are very sensitive when it comes to the emotional stuff... more so if they're in love. I personally know a male born under the sign of Cancer, and may I just say, his mood swings are really... _intense_.

Anyway, thank you for reading!


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